Life Isn’t Long Enough For Regrets

For the next few days, I’m in New York for what I have determined will be the concert of a lifetime. My favorite hip-hop group, The Diplomats, is performing in the city that I’ve adopted as my second home. I’ve been rocking with them for over half of my life. I’ve purchased (not stolen but PURCHASED) every album they’ve dropped. I have their apparel. I’m a fan’s fan. But, sadly, every time they’ve been in NC during my adult life, I’ve been out of the country or state. Most recently, I was in Thailand while they did not one but TWO shows in NC. 🤦🏿‍♂️😫

Know what? Tomorrow is not promised and so, in this moment, I decided I would be in NYC this weekend to see them close out the Dipset Forever tour in their hometown. As much as they break up and get back together, who knows which tour will be their last? So here I am, living my best life. I ain’t goin’ back and forth with you… well, y’all know the rest.

Oh, and, while we’re on the subject of being a fan, I couldn’t come to the city without getting a cut at the best barbershop on this side of the ozone layer: The Standard Grooming Company. If you’re in Brooklyn, make sure you rock with them. While all three of the groomers in the spot are exceptional, I sit in the chair of the man who has been cutting my hair for over a decade now, co-owner Vince Jamael. Definitely a fan not only of the work of Vince, Autumn, and Troy, but also love the decor in their spot. Make sure you follow D Squared Visuals on Instagram to see some of the dope shots I’ll be capturing here (I’m writing at the shop as I await my cut) and from around the City.

Ok. Now I have to figure out exactly what I’m doing with my hair. I haven’t gotten a cut since May! Here’s to a great weekend!

Make living without regrets a priority.

As I Sit in Starbucks… 🤦🏿‍♂️

Let’s jump right in.

 

I love and hate the influence that the West, and specifically the United States, has on the world. I love it because I can go anywhere in the world and move around with relative ease. I hate it because I can go anywhere in the world and move around with relative ease. Essentially, it takes away from the experience of feeling truly foreign in a foreign land. I am not a native Swahili or even French speaker who has to lean on a limited understanding of English to communicate while in Japan. I don’t go to Thailand with a strong German accent and struggle to order my scotch on the rocks. I, as a native English speaker, have it easy. And not only about language.

 

Yesterday, Desirée and I went to Good Town Doughnuts in the Harajuku district of Tokyo. While I’m not a fan of American country music, if I were, this would be the place for me because, the entire time we were there, an American country radio station was playing. While all the customers (except the two of us) were Japanese, the decor was quintessential Americana, down to the two flags hanging on the wall (though one was pretty cool in that it had the Holtom peace symbol replacing the stars). Tonight, we sat down for dinner at a Japanese-made beer company’s restaurant and I heard Anita, Stevie, and Diana playing through our meal. And don’t get me started on hip-hop’s impact; I walked into a vintage clothing store on the day we arrived and saw that 90% of the cultural influence came from the 5 boroughs, with a few splashes of NOLA and the West Coast. From De La Soul’s album at the entrance to Dipset’s Supreme photoshoot on the wall, I felt at home.

 

The thing is, I don’t leave the United States to feel at home. And I don’t feel that way all the time but I also know that my discomfort is always temporary. Eventually, I will find someone who will meet me where I am in conversation, whether we’re discussing politics, music or American football (shoutout to Cam Newton, who is the sole reason my barista in Santorini knows where North Carolina is).

 

It is nice to move with ease but doesn’t that take away some of the fun everyone else from around the world gets to have? When everyone speaks English and knows your major notable figures, doesn’t it say something about your own society’s narcissism for knowing very little about their society? This may never change. The U.S. may be this influential until the world ends. But the least we can do is make an effort to meet them halfway, right? I mean, I’ll be honest, I can’t even ask someone where the restroom is in Japanese (and haven’t had to because there is always dual signage). Let’s stop allowing our self-centeredness be what defines us.

 

 

Oh yeah… And I’m writing this while sitting in Starbucks because I knew I’d be able to hop on the WiFi with relative ease, which I wasn’t able to do the previous establishment (pictured above) where I needed a Japanese keyboard. See? I knew the comfort would come. Lucky me.

 

 

 

Make researching more than tourist sites before traveling abroad a priority.

Bangkok Culture: A Visual Depiction

Views more electrifying than the third rail.

 

 

“The moral is ‘All greats have been driven.'” — Pusha T

“You call him Dr. Jones, doll!” — Short Round (of Indiana Jones)

Bowl-ing w/ Buddha…

Kids after my own heART.

I got now. I don’t care who got next.

I dig coconuts but never dated Chanel addicts.

My kid is probably going to wonder what this is.

I wonder if Marcus from Boomerang would’ve given these feet a pass.

My first time trying milk tea and I give it two thumbs up.

Living with no reservations but getting reserved tables.

Crazy thing is, one of these monks is from Virginia. He gave up modernity to follow his heart. That is courage.

 

 

You Aren’t In Kansas Anymore

While I am far from happy with the state of American race relations, specifically when it comes to the injustice system, at least I know it. No, I’m not an attorney and I never formally studied the law past certain elective courses that touched on certain legal subjects. What I am, however, is a citizen of my country who knows that, though black men and women are often disenfranchised when it comes to the court system, there are rights we are supposed to have and, if those rights are violated, we can appeal for quite some time (unless, of course, we are murdered by the police, which is also a very real possibility in America).

I digress. I am writing this because, as a learned black man who travels internationally frequently with his black wife, I do my best to keep up with stories across the world. I subscribe to an array of publications from Blavity to Valet Magazine to the New York Times and, in keeping up with articles, both domestic and international, I’ve read about American citizens who have been detained/imprisoned abroad. While it doesn’t happen frequently enough to hit national headlines (unless the offender is one of the Ball boys), Americans are often detained for doing stupid things. And, though I do believe in law and order, I know that 1) punishment should be doled out in an unbiased manner and 2) the punishment should match the crime. But, in some nations, that’s just not the case. Take the case of Wendell Brown, for example. Wendell is a black man whose only crime was defending himself against a Chinese citizen by shoving him. There is a video that completely supports this statement. Now, he is serving a four-year sentence in a Chinese prison. President Trump and his staff have refused to come to this American citizen’s aid. Click here to read more.

As the saying goes, “You don’t know what you don’t know.” Have fun, but do so with an awareness that the person who hits you may possess rights that you don’t. Because laws are dynamic, it is impossible to know every law in every nation that you want to visit but know that ignorance of the law is not a defense in most cases. Stay smart. Stay safe.

 

Make staying safe a priority.

 

You Can Do It, Too

No, I’m not quoting D4L (or maybe I am, but not intentionally). But anyway, I have had quite a few people tell me they wish they could travel internationally and, while I cannot assume where anyone is financially, I know some of them well enough to not have to assume. I know for a fact that some of my friends and family earn in the same ballpark, if not upwards of what I make. And, while having a dual income home helps a ton, traveling, both domestically and internationally, can be done without that added advantage.

Now, I’m not advocating anyone jump off the deep end and do what Desirée and I are doing yet. Two months overseas as full time working adults can be difficult (her), if not outright impossible (me). Being that Desirée is in school and works at a university, she was able to take this “learning experience” while returning to a her position at the conclusion of the summer. I, however, was unable to and, luckily, our decision to take this trip coincided with recruiters from two institutions reaching out to me with positions to consider. So, I resigned without the certainty that I would return to NC with a job but with an idea that I am in a good position to get one.

I’m not advocating that you do that. But I’m not saying don’t. Do what’s best for you, taking full responsibility over whatever comes. Panos , our Airbnb host in Athens, posted on Instagram today saying, “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do!” Since high school, I’ve seen my great-grandma, father, and a few childhood friends die. None of them ever left the country and, even though that’s not everyone’s “thing,” it’s mine and I’m going to do it when I can.

Ok, I’m way way WAY off track. Time to hop back on. *rewind… fast forward… Yeah, stop right there*

Now, I’m not advocating anyone jump off the deep end and do what Desirée and I are doing yet but you can do it on a smaller scale sooner than later and it can be done affordably. You’ll see that I don’t use the word cheap because I don’t like cheap things. I like nice things that have a high sticker price and a low out of pocket cost. Change your word choice and you can change your life.

Putting first things first, you must have your passport. Get it yesterday. You don’t want to have the perfect opportunity fall in your lap and you can’t take it because you could have prepared but haven’t. (Wow! That’s a lesson in general life but apply it to this and I’ll probably circle back around to it on another post later.) It’ll cost you $110. Get it now so you don’t incur additional fees.

Secondly, you have to fly. It’s not the early 1900s and the Titanic isn’t an option (nor would you want it be, hindsight being 20/20 the way it is). Now, this is probably going to be the heaviest expense you incur and it’s going to feel that way because you have to pay it at once. We’re fortunate enough to have an awesome credit card with benefits that help us offset airfare costs but it still can be a pretty penny (and has been on past trips). But, if you plan properly and read about best times to purchase flights, you can save a few coins.

Next up, you have to find out where you’re staying. I’m all for Airbnb. Click this link if you’ve never signed up for an account before and get a $40 credit towards your first stay. Mind you, depending on where you are, that $40 could be a couple nights. Prime example: Last night we had a redeye flight that landed at 5 AM and needed somewhere to crash before our actual reservation began. Realizing we had nowhere to stay upon landing, I hopped on Airbnb.com yesterday and snagged us a nice 1BR apartment for $19/night and, even though we only needed it for 7 hours, that’s still a rate MUCH cheaper than any hotel I’ve ever stayed in *Has flashback to the $35/night roach motel Xiaoxia and I once stayed in because we were too tired to drive*.
True, the cost of living in Thailand is MUCH lower than in the U.S. but that worked out to our advantage. Which brings me to my next point…

The cost of living is so low in some places that you can seriously leave your Airbnb at 8AM, eat three full meals, take a tour or two, have some drinks, and get back home around 3AM having spent under $50. Tonight, in Phuket, I ate fresh lobster at a restaurant on the beach paired with two sides and a glass of chardonnay for ฿494 ($15). I’m willing to bet I couldn’t get that meal with that view anywhere at home for under $60. That’s a nice meal. Just walking through town eating at random places in Thailand, I’m looking at spending ฿90 ($2.73) for lunch or dinner. Or, let’s look at last week in Bangkok, when we ended up at this swanky rooftop bar 47 stories up. There weren’t too many buildings higher than this one in this district of Bangkok so, compare that to an experience in the States and you’re looking at upwards of $13/drink, and that is a conservative cost. I specifically remember going to the Signature Lounge in Chicago and not seeing a drink under $20 on the menu. You’re paying for the view. Well, in Bangkok, that view plus a drink will cost you ฿30 ($8).

Now, you’ll want to experience some stuff too, right? You can eat and drink at home. So you tour a Turkish castle ₺28 ($10) and take a private paddle boat ride through a floating market ฿400 ($12). You haggle with the sales people and come away with a few quality souvenirs to take home to family and friends, spending another ฿400 but that’s a steal in USD.

Alright, we’re going to break this down on the low end using some of the numbers I just gave you and a couple imaginary (but realistic) ones because no one knows what flight prices will be like in six months. Let’s estimate 9 days out of the country, with about two of those days being spent in the air, equaling 7 on the ground.

Passport: $110
Roundtrip flight w/ meals included: $850
Airbnb for 7 nights at $35/night since you want to ball out: $205
Two regular meals/day: $19.11
One $10 baller meal/day: $70
Four nights on the town with 3 drinks each: $96
Five cultural experiences avg. $10: $50
Souvenirs for five people: $15
Stories you can tell your kids: Priceless

You just spent under $1,500 on your first time out of the country. And over half of that was on a fictitious flight price. Sounds like a lot of money, right? Well, while I think it is certainly a privilege to be able to do this, let’s break down what that looks like on a weekly basis: $1,500 is really $30/week. If you cut off cable, you’re halfway there. If you cut off cable + cut back heavily on eating out, you’re definitely there. And I’m not asking you to make sacrifices that I wouldn’t make; We moved from a pretty nice apartment on a nice side of town to a place I was less than impressed with so we could cut back on costs and afford to do this.

If you want to do it, I believe you can figure it out. The blueprint is right here.

To see more photographs like that AWESOME Santorini sunset, follow @DSquaredVisuals.

And, to see Desirée’s take on making this travel thing happen, click here.

 

Make figuring out a way a priority.

How To Settle In When You’re Away

The phrase “living out of a suitcase” doesn’t mean you actually have to live out of a suitcase. As a fairly frequent traveler, when I’m staying anywhere for more than two nights, I really settle in. I unpack my Incase Tracto Duffle, place my clothes in drawers, and set up a workspace with my laptop, camera, and accessories. I really make myself at home. I usually bring a decent portable speaker and toss a few snacks in the fridge for late work nights.

Last week’s Airbnb in Santorini, Greece

 

Whether we’re talking about an Airbnb or a hotel (the former being my preference), I’m all about being comfortable. No, it’s not home, but, day by day in domestic locations and many international ones, I’m paying more per night than I would for rent so what I’m not going to do is act like I’m a guest.

How do you like to travel? Are you a suitcase rummager or a organize it in a drawer/closet kind of person? Let me know in the comments.

 

Make traveling comfortably a priority.

What Do You Do When The Connection’s Gone?

I will preface this post by saying that this problem is first-world in nature and an indication of the privilege many Americans have.

Desirée and I have a 9-hour layover in Istanbul, Turkey. Yes, you read that right. Nine hours. #NoTypo. We can’t We’re not leaving the airport because, to purchase a Turkish visa, you must pay 30 USD per person and we weren’t down for that. What really sucks about this layover is that there’s no way for us to connect to the internet for free. As a matter of fact, I’ve spent about 8 USD trying to connect over the first four hours ($7 on some subpar ice cream from a shop that provides “free” wifi and $1 on an “unlimited 24 hour web connection” that didn’t let me get any further than Google.com). The major problem is that, in order to connect to (what I assume is) the best internet in the airport, you need to be able to receive an SMS text message. Because we don’t have phone service here (Verizon’s international plans were just too expensive for all that), we couldn’t get the code necessary to purchase service.

But, per usual, I came prepared. Though I’ve never been to any international airport in the world that doesn’t have complimentary internet (and I’m sure I’ve been to at least 35 international airports over the past decade and a half since wifi use began norming), I knew that, on this trip, I wouldn’t always have internet connection. Therefore, while I was packing, I made sure to toss in a couple paperback books that I wanted to finish over these two months (ended up downloading the books that I packed to save on weight but you get the gist). Additionally, before leaving the United States, I snagged a few films that I had purchased on Amazon Prime and the iTunes Store. And, because I have a Spotify Premium account, I made sure to save all my favorite playlists and albums to the phone. When I got tired of being inspired by literature, cinema, and music, I’ve proceeded to write, both here on The Reader and continue working on my book. And, lastly, once all that has been done, I spend time looking through and editing photographs because, on a trip like this, there are always photos I can be touching up.

The moral of the story is you don’t need to have an link to the World Wide Web to get the most out of a layover at the airport. All these things (books, film, music, and writing) require no sustained internet connection as long as you plan ahead. But that’s enough for today; time to get back to this awesome book.

 

Make preparing for the worst a priority.

The Adventure Begins/International Communication

This is the first in a two-month series of blog posts on the time I will be spending outside of the United States. Desirée and I are on a journey to see parts of the world that I never thought I would have an opportunity to see. And, while it is a major blessing, it is one that comes along with great responsibility. As I am overseas, I will be navigating the tail end of a hiring process, maintaining my professional development business, and blogging more frequently than I have over the past month.

That’s enough about the plans though. Let’s catch you all up on this first day. I’ve spent about the past twenty-six hours on the move from Durham to London and I am currently on a two-hour train ride to Cardiff, Wales. Yesterday morning, my younger sister Aja dropped Desirée and me off at the Durham Transit Station where we caught the Megabus to Washington, D.C. In the District, we grabbed some food before heading to Dulles to catch an Icelandair flight to London, by way of Reykjavik. Of course, once we landed at Heathrow we had to go through Customs (consistently my least favorite part of international travel) and now I’m on this train ready to eat. Outside of a happy hour beer and wings special I was able to grab in D.C. and a personal pizza at IAD, I haven’t had a meal in the aforementioned 26 hours (if you want to call those meals). I’ll be diving into a plate of fish n’ chips the moment we arrive in Cardiff and set our luggage down.

In the hour since I stepped through Customs, I have noticed one thing: the English take better care of their public transit than we do, at least in the form of trains. From the Heathrow Express to the Great Western Railroad that I’m riding now, the comfort and cleanliness exceeds the standards set by any major rail system in the United States that I’ve ridden, be it Amtrak or a citywide transit rail. And, on top of comfortable seats, they have “trollies” (handcarts) of food that well dressed customer service associates push down the aisles offering snacks. I feel like I’m one of the three black kids on the Hogwarts Express right now, as I enjoy my crisps (look up the lingo). Since they took notes from our democracy, maybe we could borrow a few from their transportation experts. Just a thought…

*Fast forward a few hours*

OK, now that I’ve eaten, I can go ahead and write about what I didn’t feel like pulling together on an empty stomach: communicating overseas. I have a few tips and, while I’m no certified expert, I’ve done this enough to know what has worked for me and will likely work for most American travelers.

1) Not to come off as elitist but, if you’re traveling internationally frequently, I strongly suggest investing in an iPhone. Under most circumstances, I wouldn’t consider an iPhone an investment and, in a traditional sense, it never will be because it doesn’t appreciate but, when it comes to traveling, it’s a cost-effective way to stay in touch with others. Yes, I know that the sticker shock associated with iPhones is a real thing but you don’t need the newest edition to take advantage of the international benefits that come along with an iPhone. Because Desirée and I won’t have a consistent income while overseas, we needed to cut as many expenses as possible and one of those expenses was our phone bill while we were away. What’s cool is, between iMessage, FaceTime (video or audio), and What’s App, I can call or text everyone in my phone as long as I have a WiFi connection (another cool thing about transit here: there is a connection not only in each airport and train station but on the trains). So, though I’m not paying Verizon for these two months, I am still able to check in with friends and family in a way that doesn’t involve Facebook.

2) Social media is an awesome way to stay in touch. Though I’m on Facebook a lot less than I used to be, I still have strong presences on Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat.  Social media serves a couple purposes for me: a) It allows me to maintain my brand and brand awareness while away and b) it lets me let people know I’m both alive and well without having to regularly reach out to those who know I’m away. All in all, it’s an easy way of maintaining an engaged community of followers.

3) E-mail is a must for me because communication is not a one way street. While Stateside, I have a few publications, such as the New York Times, and newsletters, such as Morning Brew and Blavity News, that I subscribe to. Not reading these is simply not an option for me, as a young professional who other young professionals come to for paid advice. Additionally, I have clients with whom I still must work. This afternoon (morning EST), I received an e-mail from one young lady who recently earned her master’s degree and needs work done on her résumé. Though I’m not overseas to work too much, I have people who rely on me to help them succeed and, because I care about the successes of those I work with, I’m glad to correspond via e-mail until she has dynamic document that allows her to take the next step in her career.

Those are the good things about e-mail. The terrible side of it is when you get behind in checking it. While I haven’t go through and cleaned it up yet today, I know I’ve gotten an ungodly number of e-mails over the past thirty hours. Now, imagine those days when I don’t check it. Most people I know have gotten the inevitable point of e-mail fatigue where they just stop checking for a couple days or even a week. Finally facing that e-mail inbox, overflowing with newsletters, advertisements,  and actual important communication is a challenge to say the least. My goal, while here, is to try to avoid that from getting out of hadn’t and missing no more than two days in a row.

4) You cannot go wrong with good old fashioned snail mail. I’ve got family members who have never left North Carolina. I’ve got friends who cannot legally leave North Carolina. I know some people who just don’t know how to make it fit into their lives. But, to all of these people, my postcard or letter will serve as a peek at a part of the world they may never see. I am my grandma’s eyes over here. I am my incarcerated homeboy’s international experience. The postcards I send out are pictures of a world I had only seen on television before this moment but they are reminders that, if I’m here, they can make it too if they want. Or, if they can’t, it’s letting them know that I wish I could bring them with me.

Communication is key to the human experience and, while here, I will communicate with those I care about, either through direct means or more general ones. Make sure that, when you decide to make the trek across the pond, you have a plan on how to communicate (and let those who you plan on communicating with know the plan).

Check out our journey on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook over the next two months by checking out the hashtag #EatPray10v3.

 

Make exploring the world a priority.

I May Have a Problem

In college, my roommate Stevan said I paced too much. Now my grandma says I travel too much. Long story short, I cannot sit my ass down for too long without getting bored. While I love (some things about) North Carolina, I really have a thing for getting out and seeing what else the world has to offer. Be it business travel, like my trip to Denver in January, or a personal trip, like the one to the Dominican Republic this past September, having an opportunity to explore the world is why I go to work every day.

As I prepare for Spring Break (and a week without blogging here*), I must say that they’re right. I have a problem and it’s one that I don’t want to get rid of. I like getting out and doing. Thing is, it’s gotten worse. My good friend from college, Jakiya left the US for a year with nothing but a carry on and now I’m trying to figure out how I can eventually do the same. Check out her story here.

Life is too short, the world is too big, and getting from country to country is too easy for me not to see as much of this earth as possible. Yes, I realize I am speaking from a place of privilege but if I have this opportunity to see and do more, why wouldn’t I? So, cheers to NY and DC next week and my international trip over the summer. I’m hooked.

 

Make enjoying your life a priority.

*I will, however, be working on www.APageInHistoryProject.com so check it out.

When Your Life Flashes, Let It Mean Something

Racial tension. Terrorism. Hate. War. Nuclear bombs. Sexism. Pedophilia. Human trafficking. Mass media. Psychological warfare. Financial illiteracy. Subliminal marketing. Desensitization to violence. Gun laws. Corrupt politicians. Inhumane government policies. Rape culture. Diminishing educational systems. Astronomical national debt. Job insecurity. Greed. Family issues. World hunger. Child/domestic abuse. Immigration “reform.”

We are constantly bombarded with all of these things, not to mention a plethora of other issues, and then we’re expected to show up at work every day ready to produce. But, to that I say, “Take care of your mind.” Waking up today to NPR and BBC notifications of the act of terrorism committed in Las Vegas reminds me that life could be short and nothing is guaranteed. While I can’t just get up and go on an irresponsible adventure across the world, I refuse to live unhappily. If I see a gunman coming in my direction, I highly doubt my mind will flash to all the donations I received in my current job. I would like to think that all of the great memories with friends and family and the awesome trips I’ve taken and the photographs I’ve taken and the delightful meals I ate and the words I’ve written and the people I’ve helped and the businesses I’ve helped grow and the wild yaks I saw on a mountain will flood my memory. In short, I want my life to be about significant love shared more than insignificant work done.

You’re here for a reason. That gunman could’ve been anywhere you were this past weekend. But he wasn’t and your life was spared. Love what you do. Love where you go. Love who you’re with. While part of being a responsible adult is planning for a tomorrow that isn’t promised, we often forget that the other part of it is enjoying the today that is passing us by.

Make loving life and making memories priorities.